I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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