there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
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what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
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So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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