yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Houston, we have a blender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize