Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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