For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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