Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
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He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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