No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize