I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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