Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
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There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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