Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
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I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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