if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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