Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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