These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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