Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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