cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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