if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
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Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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