ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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