I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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