And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
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Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
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I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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