Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
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I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
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I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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