i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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