Soap is not a condiment
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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