I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize