I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
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Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
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You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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