I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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