No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
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I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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