Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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