you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
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It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
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I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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