my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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