You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize