I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I am mentally ready for anal.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize