i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
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he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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