somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a kid would responsible me up
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize