How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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