i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize