what if every blade of grass was a penis?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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