Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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