I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
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It was like getting head from an anaconda
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
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I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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