he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
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I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
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Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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