I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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