Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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