Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Damn victory sex feels great
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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