I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
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