I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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