i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
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Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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