After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's shark week go big or go home
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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