i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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