Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize