new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
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I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
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You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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