So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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